we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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