I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
