I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
