He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
