just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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