There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
