Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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