but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She needs sedatives and a leash
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
