This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
