I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
