We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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