your parents love me but you hate me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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