Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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