Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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