You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
