what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
