I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry about my life...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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