you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hippo gnu deer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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