we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
