Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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