When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
