My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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