Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
