You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
