plz talk dirty to me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
