She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
