i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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