I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
