we're blogging at a bar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
