Can i not drive my cunt home
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
