the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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