my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize