last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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