I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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