Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
