You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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