I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
