dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
