no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
