4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
