I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize