I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
