I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
