the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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