I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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