I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
