My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
