I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize