im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
