Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the day after is always just damage control
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
