where am i from again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
