What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
