And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
