So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Small penises have feelings too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
