If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
