i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
