Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
