Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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