I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
