you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
