remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
