So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
