I wish I could punch you in the face.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
