Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was not drunk enough for that final.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
