what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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