That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
